Hot Barbie Summer
Its summertime. The time for refreshment. The time for exploration. The time for fun. Hot girl summer: a tantalizing phrase tinged with the sweet seduction of adventure. Hot girl summer: a promise of freedom. To paraphrase Megan Thee Stallion in a family-friendly way: “real women should not care about men”, which depicts the social tyranny of men and how women should be liberated from said tyranny in a hot girl summer.
The world has gone through a major paradigm shift. A global pandemic followed by strained global relations, skyrocketing fuel prices, widening wage gaps, discrimination, war, famine, children, kids, arachibutyrophobia, and grotesque French foot models. But despite it all, there was something to look forward to, despite all the setbacks, there was an unshakeable truth, that there would be another hot girl summer. After centuries of putting up with the patriarchy, there is only one thing that matters. Listening to Saweetie on a beach while drinking a margarita. Something you cannot do in Iran.
An Unbound Terror
It's literally impossible to mention Iran in a conversation without having a disgruntled alcoholic Redditor scream in your face about how women used to wear skirts in pre-revolution Iran. It's impossible to bring up any concern in Iran without people intervening and saying, “they picked their side”. What side could that be? In a society filled with gray, you cannot pick between black and white. Like most dynasties, the human variable goes round and round until it wraps itself whole until there’s nothing left behind. It is wholly accurate to say Iran is once again back to where it began. A gender apartheid society, where women cannot experience freedom. Over the decades, Iran has worked especially hard to limit the control women have over their lives. Widows are being treated like garbage, activists being imprisoned for only muttering an opinion, all the while the men in power play games they only pretend to understand. Iran, Persia, whatever you call it has become a stagnant rock, yet there is nothing the UN can do. And how can they? When the rest of the world does not care for women who don’t or can’t wear skirts. Hot girl summer: a phrase reserved for the privileged.
A Cruel Misunderstanding
But wait, what if Hot Girl Summer was something else entirely. According to Megan Thee Stallion, “Being a Hot Girl is about being unapologetically YOU, having fun, being confident, living YOUR truth…”. Now here’s a big shocker. Look at what she said. She never mentioned that to be a Hot Girl you had to BE a girl or that you needed to be HOT. AND all at once, everything makes sense again. Like an epiphany out of the blue, there is no doubt about who’s enjoying a Hot Girl Summer in Iran. The street vendors feel confident in their summer bodies. The tan workers lying beside bricks practicing safe sun exposure. Politicians put on makeup before instigating war, violating human rights, and smuggling crack from North Korea as if they’re getting a glow-up. Confident in one’s mind and body, there is no escape from a Hot Girl Summer. Rest easy, because despite it all, despite the war, despite the famine, despite the Zionists, despite the women's rights violations, there is a hot girl summer.
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