BTS’s Important Visit to The Whitehouse
One of the largest music groups to exist has visited the Whitehouse to help solve a dire matter plaguing the most powerful nation in the world. BTS which includes 7 members were flown in the Airforce One with haste to meet President Joe Biden. The agenda of the conclave was to help the US boost its public relations which have been in the bog in recent years; a surprising reason considering denizens of the developed and developing world welcome illegal regime changes, genocide, drug trafficking, raping of resources, and most importantly a general sense of dread whenever the gun-totin' Americans reach their shores with open arms.
Jimin’s Plan to Help the Americans
The lead singer gave the American president excellent guidance on how to revamp America's image with the global audience. The Whitehouse’s colors are to be changed to help teenagers across the globe associate peace and love with the symbol of American freedom and democracy. Jimin's advice was to paint the whole building with funky colors such as shocking pink and electric blue. When president Joe Biden objected to this saying “we can’t change the color of the gosh darn Whitehouse it’s always been like this since it was built back in 2002” (the President's dementia had kicked in once again and he confused the building with the McDonald's down the road), he was greeted with a swift slap from Jimin’s tiny, soft, moisturized hands. He replied in a gruff tone saying “LOOK AT ME! I AM THE PRESIDENT NOW!”. The popstar's cohorts also went to work like banshees straight out of hell. Teaching the secret service their most famous dances. Any agent that even showed signs of hesitation or the simple rolling of the eye over the choreography was immediately shot dead and their families imprisoned in Gitmo. Jimin even strongly advised President Joe Biden on co-creating music videos together; saying “this will be great for BTS’s numbers and may even help you out with your problems”. If this particular piece of advice is truly beneficial, only the sands of time will tell.
The Aftermath of The Meeting
After the visit was over, the United States Government post-haste went to work to implement the plans. A historic government building painted to attract the eyes of zealous BTS stans, the President now walking in snazzy spandex that left him blue in the face, the military’s guns replaced with microphones to sing songs of peace love and anti-bullying to the red, white and blue’s countless foes, and all government employees replaced with individuals whose genders will remain a mystery till the end of time. Although it is early to tell, however, the US is confident that these changes will shift the narrative of America being the huffin’ and puffin, big bad wolf to that of a benevolent group of do-gooders. To change the perception of them being psychopathic goblets of gluttony to just a simple goofy goober you would trust in a heartbeat. As I have written above…. only the sands of time will tell.
These new changes, however, were quite beneficial to BTS. Their “army” numbers shot into the billions. It is rumored that their latest tour will not be held in arenas, but in fact, they will rent out whole countries in order to sing and dance their silly little hearts out for the literal world.
No comments: