Microplastics Found In Antarctica
Samples from 19 sites in Antarctica were found to have microplastics in them. This alarming revelation has rung alarm bells in experts considering Antarctica is a white, snowy wasteland with nothing but a few scientific teams filled with nerds trying to find God knows what down there. Scientist Gwen Fenton said in a statement “we have no idea where these plastics have come from but it’s definitely not from anything we have done *wink *wink”.
Theories About Where The Plastic Menace Came From
Experts have multiple theories regarding how the plastics showed up in the samples; all with varying degrees of lunacy sprinkled in between. One scientific team believes that the plastics found on the site have actually always been there and they are not a product of human meddling. The Australian team believes that we actually live in a barbie world where everything is made from plastic. The team also said that all of us are just Barbie and Ken dolls being controlled by overlords for their amusement. Scientist Josefina Castevilla theorizes that the plastics were actually the result of alien droppings excreted a millennia ago. No one however thought that maybe an island-sized plastic monstrosity swirling around the pacific might have resulted in a couple samples of microplastics. Not one person had the bright idea that treating plastics like the holy grail in the industry might have caused the world to be blanketed by plastics.
The Way Forward After Such Disastrous News
Experts say that it is best to just expedite the process of destroying the world, and just start polluting like pigs in muck. We are now being told that it is best to throw away every piece of plastic we see. We do not even have to use what is housed inside the plastic container; just throw it away. Instead of having a great pacific garbage patch, we should be working towards making a great garbage patch of the seven seas. The world should be covered in plastic. It should get to the point where all we see is plastic; I mean if you really think about it that is already the case looking at women like Kim Kardashian and her brood. Experts say that by speeding up the process we can finally rid ourselves of always writing about being good little boys and girls to the earth. If it’s already destroyed. In that reality, we can rejoice, rejoice in the fact that there is really nothing to worry about. Why worry about fixing something that is already destroyed? We could then finally live out our lives without having to recycle that stuffed plastic coke bottle thinking we are helping make the world a better place (news flash we are not making a single difference when there are trillions of pieces of plastic out there). Think about it. A world without stress, without the nagging screams of long greasy-haired hippies saying, “come on man why are you hitting the Mother Earth man”.
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