Imran Khan’s conspiracy
It’s been about two months since ex-PM Imran Khan was ousted by a vote of no confidence initiated by an opposition coalition led by Pakistan’s People’s Party, and Pakistan Muslim League Nawaz. The vote of no confidence comes after a surge of political vehemence stirred on by the deflection of economic responsibilities by all the present political parties. Political unrest combined with dissident lawmakers and dissatisfied citizens left Khan practically defenseless, struck from behind by his own party members who have since been accused of being “bought” by the coalition.
During his last days as PM, Imran Khan revealed some rather interesting details regarding a supposed threat made by the USA, driven by his poorly timed visit to Russia on the eve of their invasion of Ukraine. The revelation sparked quite a debate about the legitimacy of the new government, dubbing it a tool of regime change orchestrated by President Biden who is on the verge of full-scale dementia.
“True Freedom” March
After his exit, Imran Khan went touring the country with the renewed vigor of an 80’s pop idol. Complete with fancy clothes, feature artists, and a lot of backstage drama. He conducted rallies on a large scale, indoctrinating people with various statements about new age slavery driven by the new “bootlicker” government. However, he made a fatal error. After rallying people to breach the country’s capital, Imran Khan suddenly called off the march in a surprise announcement. “Shoot, my bad guys, I left the stove on at home, guess I have to go back,” he said while addressing his thousands of followers that traveled from all around the country to get some raw action. He smacked himself in the head and followed up with apologies, stating he couldn’t bear the fact that he was incurring such an expense. “I see… so many people out here, It brings me great joy to see this enthusiasm… but alas, freedom can wait a few days, whereas my house cannot…”.
In what seemed like an early surrender brought on by escalating cases of violence around the country, was in fact turned around by his ultimatum to the government: “You guys have 6 days to do… what I need you guys to do…I’ll return when I find out who left the stove on”. The country was shocked, elated, and horrified to learn how much of a “human” figure Imran turned out to be. Going back to Peshawar in his million-dollar caravan and Beemers just to turn off the stove was a statement no one could swallow. Before going back and leaving his thousands of followers stranded, dehydrated, and positively rattled, he was seen with an auspicious smile as he handed an infant a juice box for his troubles. Truly Fascinating.
The Aftermath
Politicians, journalists, YouTubers, and even government officials were left in awe of Imran Khan’s pious behavior. His dedication to the economy and the people of Pakistan left him in much higher standing than ever before. Even the current PM Shehbaz Sharif said “I was expecting him to come marching without a care in the world, but I was wrong… he has shown he cares for Pakistan and for the people. Even though I most definitely will not hold new elections right now I can commend him for his effort”. “Maybe I’ll gift him something from the national treasury” he said with a wink.
However, not everyone agreed with Imran Khan. Whistleblowers and various intelligence agents have stated there were no signs of the stove being left on at his house or claims of “You guys are stupid; he could’ve just called someone to turn the stove off” but to no avail. These heinous liars have since been revealed to be Regime-Change CIA agents, puppets of the star-spangled banner. With some luck, Imran Khan will be back at the helm doing Imran Khan things in no time, especially if people realize that everyone criticizing him is a Zionist sympathizer.
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