Jill Biden’s Romania Visit – Foul Intentions
Romania is a cornerstone of Eastern Europe. A civilization hid away from the world’s scrutiny. Home to mobsters and cabbage rolls, Romania strikes the delicate balance between hospitality and suffering. And despite being a supposed “first-world” country, Romania has a viscerally alarming number of violent crimes. Perhaps due to this very reason, Jill Biden, the USA’s First Lady made a visit to this dull country: to form what may be called a pact. A pact of blood.
Following the standard procedure, Biden made her way through a US airbase while exchanging pleasantries with the stationed soldiers. Oddly enough, her team was requested to bring “Ketchup” to the soldiers, saying they were in shortage. Yeah right. It would be more believable to mention the soldiers wanting Anime body pillows. But despite the skeptical undertones to this visit, the First Lady’s visit proved to be historical as Romania is in the Hot Zone of the Ukraine Russia War. Not bad for her second time going solo.
Hushed Whispers
Joe Biden’s cognitive decline has been a hot topic for republicans ever since he was nominated a presidential candidate. From moments where he greets unseen lizard people to his god-awful slurring of words, it's evident that the concerns of the public are not unfounded. The vacant-eyed president is a long shot from his Republican counterpart Donald Trump who is said to have an unnatural affinity for redefining the human body. Perhaps this is why Jill Biden was allowed to leave the president’s side to go to a military Hot Zone: To find a cure.
From Nazis to archaeologists, the perpetual dream of cure-all medicine has existed for what seems to be a million years. But despite supposedly existing in various forms, the cure remains ever elusive to those that need it desperately. However, things finally start to make sense if we consider the word of janitor Jarriet Hudson, a reformed drug addict with an excellent memory. According to Jarriet, the First Lady mentioned “Transylvania” on several occasions while conversing with Staff Sgt. Sharon Rogers. Mentions of a “Vlad” and “gremlin” were also up in the air which brings us to our conclusion: The USA is enlisting the help of vampires to alleviate Joe Biden’s cognitive disease while also providing them with red hot American blood in the form of Ketchup.
Now, this may sound preposterous, but it is true. World leaders have always had this unrestrained obsession with the occult: Nazis with the Crystal Skull, Britons with the Holy Grail, and Boris Johnson.
What This Means for The World and America
As if the world wasn’t going through enough already, adding vampires to the mix is something straight out of a goth manifesto. And we’re not talking about the sex symbols from True Blood, we’re talking about a very pale and wrinkly Joe Biden with fangs and claws, the very opposite of a sex symbol for most of the masses. Imagine what the world’s “strongest nation” could do with the help of blood-sucking mutants in the palm of their hands. However, despite the physical change, an economy of vampires might bring more good than bad. Vampires are generally known to be introverted, making them less likely to promote territorial war, commit hate crimes, ban abortions, violate human rights, and of course, work 7 days a week. Wait a second.
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